According to the old superstition, if one bird shits on you it’s good luck, but what if a lot of birds do it? Then what? Using the Bill and Ted theory of ‘heinous’, I tried to figure out how good or bad multiple hits of shit would be.

Inspiring this need for clarity was an incident where a large group of pigeons bombed me on the corner of 42nd Street & 8th Avenue recently. Aside from needing to do my laundry earlier than usual that week, I had to see what sorta luck I had in store.

OK. So applying a little Bill & Ted math to the situation; Heinous is bad. Non-heinous is good. Non-non-heinous is really bad. Non-non-non is really good and so on. Now back to the birds. If one bird shitting is good luck, then two birds shitting is bad luck. Three birds … really good. Four … really bad and so on.

Sadly though I never took the time to count the birds on that day, so forget all this.