Where the hell am I and how did I get here?
I must have taken this drive dozens of times. Leaving Bethel, CT after a day with my brother and his family, driving thru Danbury and on to Rt 84. From there it’s just a hop, skip to Rt 684 and on down to the Saw Mill Parkway. Simple. Yet as I kept driving, my car radio’s reception was getting worse. Weird, I thought.
About an hour into the drive I noticed that the radio was still struggling to deliver the U2 marathon on Q-104.3. This struck me as odd and then my brain tells me, “Hey, that bridge coming up is not one you’ve ever seen before.” And he was right. I had no idea where I was. I saw a sign as I drive on to the Newburgh-Beacon Bridge. What the fuck?How did I get here?
I could feel the panic set in. My heart pounding, not so much for being lost, but for the fact that I could not remember the last hour of my drive. Gaps in my memory had been happening a lot lately and up to that point it’s been nothing serious. A forgotten name here and there, but to have forgotten a full hour of driving? I know I didn’t doze off. I certainly wasn’t drinking or preoccupied with work.
The unsettling sensation of this experience was uncanny. Was this an ‘age’ thing? Was this an ‘I’ve partied so much in my life that now my brain is suffering’ thing? Thoughts such as these raced thru my head as I crossed this unfamiliar bridge, hoping for a hint of familiarity. Luckily I caught sight of a sign for 9W South. I was relieved to (sorta) know where I was, or at least how to get home.
Still this experience has left me feeling oddly uncomfortable with my state of being. As I drove the now extra hour plus to get home, the numbing panic kept creeping into my head. How did this happen and how bad could it have been? I knew those thoughts are unhealthy, but so was the predicament I had found myself in. A day later and it’s still freaking me out. A lot.
Is there a pill for this? Oh wait. Duh. Of course there is. There’s a pill for everything these days. I hate pills. Next suggestion…
