OK, I don’t normally do this. You know, take inventory of the past year to see where I am or what I’ve done. But 2006 was the year that I finally, after many years, decided to shake the dust off of my rut. In March I walked away from the hell of corporate life. Letting go those shackles was a major step. After which I started my own freelance business, began writing more and took a new, more serious interest in photography.
I knew that, by intentionally throwing my life of routine into utter turmoil, I was destined to have a memorable year. 2006 was not without its problems. Sure I was happy to have let go my corporate shackles. And yes I was finally in control of my life. No more being forced to do or say or dress or eat according to someone else’s guidelines. But along with that freedom was a good deal of fear and doubt.
The most recent example of this came when, for several days towards the end of the year, I found myself curled up in a ball of depression. Leaving the apartment became just as difficult as the overall struggle to survive. All I wanted to do was sleep. Money was getting tight and I started questioning the direction I’d chosen. I’m not ashamed to say that keeping my sanity together got difficult at times.
The pressure to keep myself on course and not be swayed into avoiding my dreams would get overwhelming. Of course I’m no psychotherapist but I suppose those feelings are understandable. After all, while change is good, it can also be pretty scary. No matter what my motives may have been, there was no way I could have been certain of the consequences of my actions.
That is of course until I would come to my senses and realize that the whole point of this was to grab my future buy the balls and never look back. So when these moments of stress and confusion would hit me, I would speak my mantra out loud. Yes, I have a mantra of six simple words, “I Will Not Ever Go Back!”
It’s a good mantra because I could be saying that I’ll never go back to a corporate job. Or I could be implying something more abstract and inspirational like always wanting my life to move forward. Pretty sneaky, huh? It also makes for a nifty New Year’s resolution. Well, no matter the meaning, saying it has helped me make it thru a year that, thanks to change and self-discovery, will be a memorable one.
