My reasons for not cluttering my life with plastic ornaments or flashing lights has nothing to do with any emotional deficiency or undue prejudice against fat guys bearing gifts. I want to make that clear because people see my home and wonder why there’s no tree or garland or some such thing. Others seem genuinely upset with me.
Illustration by John Nagridge
I just don’t see the need for all the trappings of Christmas. As a child, I used to love all the crazy holiday traditions. Bright lights, ornaments and corny music all used to fill my heart with glee. But as time went by I realized that what I love about the holidays had nothing to do with the material aspects. The gathering of loved ones and the celebrations are what I treasure. This revelation has made my life easier.
Take for example shopping. A lot of people get on my case about this. I only buy gifts for a very select few. If I can’t find it online, they simply get cash. Cold? Heartless? Not at all. Is it any better to fight the blissfully violent crowds struggling for that last whatever on some shelf, only to find what you bought was not what the recipient wanted? The joyfulness is not lost just because the gift comes in an envelope.
Of course the little environmentalist in me is happy to avoid adding to the miles of wasted wrapping paper and plastic packaging (most of which is never recycled). And, thanks to my limited gift-giving habits, I can pull from the same roll of wrapping paper for years. I also don’t send cards unless to hold something inside. Like the above-mentioned cash.
Before you judge me or offer me some form of holiday pity, understand that when I smile at you and say, “Happy Holidays,” or “Merry Christmas,” or “Happy Festivus,” I truly mean it. Just don’t expect to see my halls decked or hear my speakers blaring carols. Although, I’ve been known to wear a Santa hat, when properly provoked.
See Also:
War is Over! (If You Want It)
‘Ho Ho Fucking Ho!’ by Kevin Bloody Wilson
It’s one thing to take my artwork of the Grinch and not credit me, but it’s really not cool to put your website address onto it.
I’m terribly sorry for the oversight. This post was originally created three years ago (I simple re-post it each year). I honestly don’t even recall where I found the image. I’ve added your credit and a link to your site.