Over the past month I have been struggling with a tough decision and a change of life. Not long ago, I was planning to sell off all of my belongings and travel America for a few years. This was a fire that was burning in my soul and my gut … and honestly still is. However, an offer came across my desk (as it were) that I could not refuse.
On Friday, I sat in my old office and felt a lump in my throat as the reality of life set in. Tuesday will mark the beginning of a new gig for me. I’ll still be with the same company I’ve been with for over five years, but still the difference coming is immense. As is the responsibility and the risk. But above all that was the hurt that comes from silence.
After five plus years, 6000% improvement of website traffic, 400% increase of newsletter subscriptions, new revenue from a web store that pulls in a quarter million dollars each year and building better bridges between tech, editorial and marketing I would have expected a reaction. You know … a “congratulations” or a “thanks for everything” or, if the mood was more bitter, a hearty, angry “fuck you!” Yet I received none of these from my soon to be former boss. The silence was deafening.
The situation was so bad that I could not even get in to see her to tell her of my reservations about the new job. I could not offer my help in finding a suitable replacement for me. Hell, I could not even give my own notice. The upper-executive types that had pegged me for the new job had to give my notice for me.
So, what did I want to tell her? That I did not seek out this new gig. After such a track record, I was reluctant to just give it all up. But when all I got was a big fat nothing in return, my mind started to reaffirm my need to change. Was my service there now being overshadowed by my desire for change? More than that wasn’t it about time to work on one cutting-edge magazine dealing with compelling and shocking subjects rather than five women’s and home decor magazines?
Friday afternoon I found myself in the elevator with my soon to be former boss … alone. She had no choice but to talk to me. She finally thanked me for my work during my tenure. I got to tell her how I felt about the situation. Although it was only a short talk, I felt a little better about everything.
So, it may not be the same adventure as traveling the country, but this should sustain me for a little while. I enjoy a good challenge and what better way to test my abilities than to hand me nothing and say, “Make this into something good?” Well, not me alone of course but still … it’s a pretty cool honor. That and they’re gonna send me to Paris for training.
Once all of this goes down, I’ll be able to tell you about it. The whole thing’s been kept close to the vest up to this point. Slowly the details are leaking out.
