Poe never figured on the flatware…
My friend Liz and I finally met for drinks after weeks … months … of trying to get together. We’re always talking about trips to Austria, parties and other fun things that just never seem to happen thanks to our respective insane lives and the swiftness of time. So on this night, we made sure we met.
We went to Harmony View which is a brand new place on 50th and Broadway. A month or so ago I went there for the first time with my friend Tami. We work together and this place is ever so conveniently located about 100 feet from our door. The bartender Paul was busting my hump back then for ordering Smithwick’s. He said it’s crap beer, but hell … I like it. Of course it went well as a chaser to my bourbon.
Fast forward to the other night with Liz. She was already there; I walked in and gave her a kiss hello. Paul notices me and says to Liz, “Oh no! Here’s trouble. This guy’s bad news.” Laughs and asks if I want a Smithwick’s. I said, “No I need to start out slow.” To which he replies, “Ah … Maker’s Mark.” I was impressed that he remembered. As you will see though, his good memory would mess me up the next night.
On the bar was this strangely fascinating little sculpture made of two forks. Some artist apparently took the forks home and came back with this … um … thing. We were having a bitch of a time trying to figure it out. Paul came over and set it up. When you balance one just right, it spins like a top in the other, resembling a swimming mermaid. Well, Tami pointed that out to me when I showed her the next day.
Yes, the next day … you see … Liz and I were so fascinated by this that it inspired a party theme. We’d give our guests 2 forks and their choice of a knife or a spoon (we wanted to add a twist to it). We’d give them tools and, at the end of the night, reward prizes. I was pumped because it’s been a while since I’ve thrown a party. And Liz puts events together for a living so it’s cool for her to do it for fun with our crazy friends.
Well, this idea also apparently inspired the criminal in me because I vaguely remember Liz saying “Here take it,” and me placing the bar’s little sculpture into my coat pocket. When I woke up in the morning that fleeting feeling was made real when I reached in and found it. I was so appalled with myself and overwhelmed with guilt. How could do this do this to that bar … to that bartender. It was like a bad Poe story.
So I decided to return it, which is why I had it in my office and was able to show Tami. I had a whole cloak-and-dagger plan set to return it. I was going to place it on the bar, obscured by my wool hat. Then, when I leave, it would fall as I grabbed my hat and I’d be like, “Oh wow, look!! The forks fell.”
I convinced Liz to meet me there again … at the scene of the crime. Our plan was foiled as there was a private party at the bar where the forks were to be returned. What do we do now? We sat down art the lower level bar and I simply placed the forks on the bar. Simple. Phew! Liz has a few pix on her phone that she’s supposed to send to me. We’re in the clear. Oh so I thought. We got up to leave. Liz first … then me. And that’s when Paul’s damned memory reared its head.
“Stephen! Hey Stephen!!” he hollered. I looked over. “Where’re me forks!?!” I was so embarrassed. I told him, “There on the other bar” and quickly ducked out. I told Liz as I got outside and we laughed as we walked in the cold rain to the train. I got off at 42nd Street all set to go home when I thought I should return to explain what happened to Paul. So I did.
I hopped on the next train back up to 50th, hustled to the bar, grabbed the forks and handed them to Paul. As I was telling him what happened, he finished my sentence with, “you found them in your pocket!” I confessed to trying to sneak them back in, but that he spoiled it all. He laughed and said, “Ya know ya could’ve just kept them.” And I said, “No I was feeling too guilty.” We laughed again and I finally headed home.
But Liz and I are still planning to have that party which we have dubbed Fork You!!
