The Water Club
It’s the newest, posh extension to The Borgata opening about 2 1/2 months ago. Hopes were high as we anticipated our arrival. Hopes were even higher as we entered the lobby. Lush, cool with music and water elements all around. Walking from the marble to the carpet, it felt as though tiny springs helped bounce my step. The rooms were impressive and super comfy. So what went wrong?
First, when you have a group made up largely of writers and media people, you want your first impression to be solid. And it was. But you also want your second impression to be solid. And it was not. The second thing we discovered about this hotel with the water theme was that the pool areas were designed too small. By 3:00 they were at capacity.
Yes, I know this happens at other hotels. But with 800 rooms, it seems a severe miscalculation to have an outside pool area that fits no more than 50 or 60 people at a time. This is also when we learned that the security guards here seem to hate their jobs. Very few smiles, thank yous or whatever. Just quick, curt denials as we approached any pool entrance.
Fine. We’ll check out the lounge called The Sun Room. Maybe get a couple of drinks and some food. Well, the Sun Room is completely indoors and devoid of natural sunlight by this point in the day. Plus, no tables to eat at. Just cushy benches and coffee tables. Still, we were hungry.
The food was not bad. Unfortunately due to the seating arrangements, a lot of my chicken sandwich and truffle fries ended up on my shirt. But even this could not dampen my spirit.
Hot Tub
When we still could not get past the pool gestapo, we decided to hit the hot tub inside and sip margaritas. I was so anxious to get in that I nearly forgot to take off my shirt. We were joined by a few very drunk older women (well, they were probably my age, yikes) who were a little too happy that their husbands were passed out in their rooms. It was like a geriatric spring break as one of them caught site of Amanda’s video camera and yelled, “WATER CLUB ’08! WOOOO! 08 08 08!!”
Another interesting miscalculation in design was the use of marble flooring all around the pool area. The staff had to keep throwing down towels and rugs near the hot tubs to keep people from slipping (one poor old lady still took a spill). Not to mention the handicap ramps also being made of marble. This combined with the lack of pool space and–as I’d discover later–leaky shower stalls made me wonder. How could a place themed on water (it’s called The Water Club for crying out loud) have so many shortcomings in the area of … um … water?
After some time in the hot tub, my legs were converted neatly to two sticks of rubber. The drunk housewives were trying to float their drinks and–with little concern for their exposed ass cracks–were starting a makeout and slap-fight session.
At this point I started to suspect the absent husband’s were geniuses. We finally made it out to the pool where a very sleepy looking guy took a group photo. My doughy, glowing (nearly pulsating) paleness sat smiling amidst the beauty.
My New Food Buddy
It was now time once again for me to eat. I found a kindred spirit in my friend Courtney. It seemed that each time I was ready to eat, so was she and our schedules were slightly off from the rest of the group. It was nice to have a partner in crime. My usual position as the guy who is always hungry would often lead to teasing and confrontation with other groups of friends.
As I mentioned earlier, the food here was OK. The drinks were well made as well. Potent, but not too strong. The cost was something I chose not to think about. I knew that sandwiches would be $15 and drinks $10 or more. Heck, a bottle of water was $8. But this is not anything out of the ordinary for a resort of this type. So it was best to snack, sip and ignore budgetary concerns.
I decided instead to just enjoy every moment. Such as sitting by the pool with a friend. Me with my BLT, she with her mussels and frites. As the sun set, I just let the relaxation spill over me, chased by a nice cold beer. Wait … how much did this cost … oh, right. Nevermind.
