Just when we thought this story was over…
I’m really sick of the whole Elliot Spitzer perverted ordeal. The man should be in jail, not holding interviews. So when there he was, on TV again blaming his indiscretions on ‘gremlins’, I just made this story up for my own enjoyment.
After all, this is how it should have gone anyway…
In a recent press conference, former New York Governor Elliot Spitzer admitted to having illicit sexual exploits with several area gremlins. He tried but failed to blame the affairs on the gremlins. He just couldn’t hide his gremlin fetish any longer.
Most people who were asked about this weren’t at all surprised. “He porked a chick from Jersey so nothing surprises me,” said Joey Gambini of Brooklyn.
What brought this story to light were packs of rogue gremlins ransacking various neighborhoods yelling, “We fuck Elliot! We fuck Elliot!”
Lawmakers blame the ruckus on Spitzer feeding the creatures and getting them wet before, after (and at times while) having sex with them. Yet no one has been able to prove if this was after midnight.
In his own defense, Spitzer claimed that he never fed the gremlins after midnight because his trysts took place in the afternoon. It is still not clear how the gremlins got wet as Spitzer denies those allegations. Forensics have their theories, but they want to wait for test results to come in before making a final assessment.
The gremlins themselves have hired a lawyer for their own protection. They could not be reached for any direct comments. A statement from their lawyer stated they were innocent victims of one man’s sick perversions. No money was paid to the gremlins for sex. Only cake and candy had been offered.
This begs the question … what the hell does this guy have to do to land his ass in jail? Prostitution, trafficking, and now bestiality!
